I find myself again at the time of year that we share holidays with family and friends, bundle in sweaters and scarves to cut the bite of the cold, smell turkeys and cookies baking, and sit in front of a burning fireplace by night. Inevitably, it's also the time of year, that for 20 years of my life, I gave thanks to and celebrated the birth of Jesus without quesiton. However, for the past almost two years now, I haven't really been praying to anyone in particular. Through some self-discovery and life experience, I realized I had too many hesitations about the prescription of Christianity.
For 10 months of the year, I am at peace with this spiritual change in my life. I'm even proud to say that I took the time and energy to decide it necessary to abandon that which was prescibed to me (by the Western world, not my parents) in order to find a spiritual balance from which I could see more clearly. It wasn't easy by any means. You might read that as me saying, "I no longer respond to a moral guideline." That's not the case at all. The constants in this experiment are prayer, giving thanks, recognizing grace and acting by moral character, making the independent variable Jesus.
I went through a period where I felt extreme betrayal because of my realization. Jesus had been my friend for years; we knew each other better than anyone. He helped me through sleepless nights, knew my deepest insecurities and secrets. But trying to make yourself believe something that you don't isn't healthy, and though it meant redefining my spiritual life, I had to make changes that were align with my beliefs.
And so now here I am, welcoming the months that spiritual peace is off kilter. I miss singing hymns at church, I miss the sense of wholeness after a worshipping experience. But I realize, as well, I can still sing at church and I can still worship with people who believe in Christ. I'm thankful for having such a reliable friend so many years. For providing millions across the world with the hope to keep going everyday. For providing an ear to every broken soul who seeks him. For being there for those who have given their lives to him. He is the reason why some people keep on, just not me anymore.
This time of year, I give thanks to the beauty of the world, to the innate goodness of people, to snowflakes and wind gusts, to my family in friends, to health and travel, to good books and people's incredible individuality and unique qualities, that make our world so rich and diverse.
I pray for a better world where religion doesn't cause moral and just people to pick up arms against each other. Where the people of different ethnicities in the same place love each other. Where radical Christians and Muslims finally practice what they preach, love. Where people aren't judged by the color of their skin or their sexual orientation, but by their character. Where women and men are afforded equal rights under the law, all laws. Where democracy actually acts as an institution to help people, rather than further marginalize the poor and promote the wealthy.
Believe in who or what you want. Pray with conviction. Give thanks daily. Know who you are and what makes your spirit balanced. Love everyone, everything, everyday. There is no greater gift than being on this earth and we have an obligation to making the world seem like a gift to everyone.
For 10 months of the year, I am at peace with this spiritual change in my life. I'm even proud to say that I took the time and energy to decide it necessary to abandon that which was prescibed to me (by the Western world, not my parents) in order to find a spiritual balance from which I could see more clearly. It wasn't easy by any means. You might read that as me saying, "I no longer respond to a moral guideline." That's not the case at all. The constants in this experiment are prayer, giving thanks, recognizing grace and acting by moral character, making the independent variable Jesus.
I went through a period where I felt extreme betrayal because of my realization. Jesus had been my friend for years; we knew each other better than anyone. He helped me through sleepless nights, knew my deepest insecurities and secrets. But trying to make yourself believe something that you don't isn't healthy, and though it meant redefining my spiritual life, I had to make changes that were align with my beliefs.
And so now here I am, welcoming the months that spiritual peace is off kilter. I miss singing hymns at church, I miss the sense of wholeness after a worshipping experience. But I realize, as well, I can still sing at church and I can still worship with people who believe in Christ. I'm thankful for having such a reliable friend so many years. For providing millions across the world with the hope to keep going everyday. For providing an ear to every broken soul who seeks him. For being there for those who have given their lives to him. He is the reason why some people keep on, just not me anymore.
This time of year, I give thanks to the beauty of the world, to the innate goodness of people, to snowflakes and wind gusts, to my family in friends, to health and travel, to good books and people's incredible individuality and unique qualities, that make our world so rich and diverse.
I pray for a better world where religion doesn't cause moral and just people to pick up arms against each other. Where the people of different ethnicities in the same place love each other. Where radical Christians and Muslims finally practice what they preach, love. Where people aren't judged by the color of their skin or their sexual orientation, but by their character. Where women and men are afforded equal rights under the law, all laws. Where democracy actually acts as an institution to help people, rather than further marginalize the poor and promote the wealthy.
Believe in who or what you want. Pray with conviction. Give thanks daily. Know who you are and what makes your spirit balanced. Love everyone, everything, everyday. There is no greater gift than being on this earth and we have an obligation to making the world seem like a gift to everyone.
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