It's funny how experiencing foreign cultures can open your eyes and your mind to different truths about the world. Right before I came here, I had just returned to the United States from a trip to Sierra Leone where my faith in God was so solid it might as well have been concrete. I found that it was further solidified during my first few weeks in Morocco. I relied on God in my every moment because He had always been there for me and because He had gotten me so far. With all of the unfamiliarity, my faith was my friend and my support. I had a moment in the Sahara where I began to question everything, and I continue to question right now.
I feel that I am a betrayer through my doubt. But I also feel that I am doing myself a disservice if I don't recognize and confront the doubts I'm having. If I go on believing blindly, it's as if my faith is of no authenticity.
One thing I am sure of. Something bigger, greater and more powerful than myself exists. I believe in the universe and people and nature, but do I believe that the greater power of the universe if manifested in God reincarnated as a man? I believe in spirituality and that all humans are innately spiritual, but I don't know just how much I believe in religion, religion being the institution founded by a man who channeled his own faith. I don't know if the prevalence of Islam, and the way in which Muslims practice their religion so fervently, gives rise to my doubt. I don't know if my doubt originates from finding faults in the history of Christianity, or how I find it difficult to interpret the Bible literally. Or how the Bible dictates that a non-Christian, no matter how good a person, won't be permitted into the Kingdom of Heaven. (This may be even more troublesome for me because one of the most important people in my life who has given me so many opportunities, who is the most charitable and kind person I know, does not know Jesus.)
I know that the world can be good. I know that somewhere along the way, it became understood that people must be good. But I don't know where people find that truth, or if it has anything to do with any of the institutions of religion.
I feel that I am a betrayer through my doubt. But I also feel that I am doing myself a disservice if I don't recognize and confront the doubts I'm having. If I go on believing blindly, it's as if my faith is of no authenticity.
One thing I am sure of. Something bigger, greater and more powerful than myself exists. I believe in the universe and people and nature, but do I believe that the greater power of the universe if manifested in God reincarnated as a man? I believe in spirituality and that all humans are innately spiritual, but I don't know just how much I believe in religion, religion being the institution founded by a man who channeled his own faith. I don't know if the prevalence of Islam, and the way in which Muslims practice their religion so fervently, gives rise to my doubt. I don't know if my doubt originates from finding faults in the history of Christianity, or how I find it difficult to interpret the Bible literally. Or how the Bible dictates that a non-Christian, no matter how good a person, won't be permitted into the Kingdom of Heaven. (This may be even more troublesome for me because one of the most important people in my life who has given me so many opportunities, who is the most charitable and kind person I know, does not know Jesus.)
I know that the world can be good. I know that somewhere along the way, it became understood that people must be good. But I don't know where people find that truth, or if it has anything to do with any of the institutions of religion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY
ReplyDeleteI saw this a little while ago...and I really like it. Because I can feel God/Jesus...you know? I question it a lot. It's hard to reconcile what you've been taught and what you feel. Like with good ppl who don't believe, I can't believe they'd go to hell or because they're gay...or things like that.
I liked this video - it didn't solve everything, obvs, but it was nice. Again, because I know and feel God/Jesus, but I cannot put my trust in the man-made aspects of this faith. Because it's my spirituality and faith - and my personal relationship.
Always happy to talk about anything! =)
I can really relate to this post, Anna. I'm enjoying reading about your adventures :)
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